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Rupert Giles was afraid. He didn’t want to open his eyes.
He was hoping against hope, he wasn’t about to relive the day of
Buffy’s death. He had lost count of how many times she had died in
his arms.
He didn’t want to face that day. He didn’t want to raise from his
bed…put on the robe carefully placed at the end of the bed.
He didn’t want to go into the bathroom, realizing the light was
broken. He didn’t want to take his usual cold shower.
He didn’t want to go into the living room, only to find Spike
watching the tv….oblivious of the events of the previous day.
He didn’t want to wait for the others to arrive. He didn’t want
his heart to catch in his throat, when Buffy entered his
apartment, bringing with her sunlight and joy, knowing how she was
going to die.
He didn’t want to wait for Willow. He didn’t want to see the look
of grief in her eyes. He didn’t want to explain over and over what
was happening to the others.
Each day he researched about it, but each day he didn’t find
anything.
Each day, despite his and Willow’s prayers both Buffy and Spike
decided to go out with them for the night.
No matter how hard they tried to stop what had happened…they
always ended in the graveyard fighting the demons. No matter what
they did….Spike and Buffy kept dying.
He heard the phone ring; he picked it up without even opening his
eyes, “Hello?”
“Giles? It’s me, Willow.” The red-headed said over the phone.
“Willow?”
“I…nothing has changed…”
“I know…I was finding the courage to open my eyes…and relive the
day.” He said weakly smiling.
The only comfort he had was that Willow remembered. They shared
their pain…they relied on each other.
“You know, Giles? One would think that…pain would lessen…after a
while…but…” she stopped talking and Giles could hear her trying to
stop the sobs.
“It only worsens…I know.”
“I just want it to stop, Giles…I can’t go on this way…”
“I know, Willow…I know that…” he softly said.
“I…I guess I'll see you in a while…and if that damn woman let her
bag slip once again I’m gonna strangle her” she grumbled hanging
up the phone.
Giles couldn’t help smiling at her words. He took several deep
breaths before opening his eyes. Nothing had changed. He sighed
while looking at the phone.
~ Lo...love you ~
Buffy’s last words kept echoing in his mind. No matter how many
times that day kept repeating itself, those words never changed
and she never had the time to say something more. They never had.
He blinked and picking up the phone murmured, “Not today…”
~~*~~*~~*~~
She wondered why she was going to Giles’ house. Willow Rosenberg
sighed while entering Giles’ house. Her sigh became a gasp when
she didn’t find anyone in the house. She was used to the sight
which greeted her.
Anya and Xander on the couch, pretending to research. Buffy in the
kitchenette drinking coffee, Giles and Spike’s voices coming from
the bathroom.
None of that was there, now. She closed the door behind her, the
apartment was sunproofed, but the living room was empty and so was
the kitchenette.
“Hey, anybody here?”
< Great, now what? > She thought.
“There is just me, Red.” Spike’s voice came from the bathroom.
Willow frowned. The vampire exited the bathroom. He took some
steps forward and said, “The watcher called the twerp and
Anya…telling them to take it easy…then went out…. ‘told me, I
could stay here…and you could as well”
“Uh?” she asked, surprised.
She was trying very hard not to look at Spike. She didn’t have the
strength to look at him, knowing what was going to happen.
She couldn’t look at him without recalling his kiss. It had
happened just once. But it had been enough.
She couldn’t look at him without seeing with her mind’s eyes, how
his face looked peaceful just before his body turned into ashes.
How many times they’d been repeating the same day? She had lost
count. Each night darkness greeted her, just after Spike died…and
each morning when she opened her eyes, the previous day repeated
itself.
“Red are you all right?” Spike asked.
Willow nodded; she tilted her head up and met his eyes. She
managed to smile at him, and then headed toward the kitchenette.
She didn’t realize Spike had followed her, until she heard his
voice.
“Not that I care…but why the watcher and you are so worried?” he
asked.
< Sure…you don’t care…that’s why you keep dying for me…you
bleached poop head! >
“Uh…nothing…did Giles tell where he was going?” she asked,
changing the subject.
“An educated guess? He went to the Slayer….maybe
‘worked out the courage to shag her…”
Willow turned toward him, an angry look in her eyes, “Why don’t
you mind you own business…and what are you doing here, anyway?”
Spike cocked an eyebrow at her but didn’t speak. Willow shook her
head and turned, putting the kettle on. She was furious and
tired…so very tired of what was happening.
“Red?” Spike asked.
Willow turned toward him and threw a mug at the wall, “Don’t call
me, Red! I’m sick and tired of your nicknames…I have a name, so
for God’s sake use it! You always do before…” she stopped talking,
tears filling her eyes. She heard Spike getting close to her.
“What are you talking about?” he asked.
“Nothing…” she choked out.
If Giles wasn’t there, explaining to all of them, for the
umpteenth time what was happening…why should she?
She brewed the tea, while Spike kept looking at her. She wondered
why he hadn’t left the kitchenette, why he was still with her.
“You know?” he suddenly said, “I could be very gross and ask you
how big is the bug up in…”
“You could…” she said turning toward him, a shadow of a smile
crossing her lips, “But I know you will be all gentleman-y and
won’t say that….will you?”
She opened the fridge and took a bag of blood; she poured the
blood in a mug then put it in the microwave.
She heard Spike’s chuckles and couldn’t help chuckling as well.
Her chuckles, though, slowly faded in sobs, her shoulders slumped
and she hid her face in her hands.
Her knees gave out and she rested her shoulders against the sink
while they trembled with the effort to try holding back her sobs.
She didn’t hear Spike kneeling next to her and didn’t see the
concern on his face. She just felt his hand, circle her shoulders.
He didn’t talk to her, he didn’t murmur soothing words. He just
stood there, kneeling beside her, holding her.
“I don’t want you to die…” she eventually managed to say in a
nasal voice, she raised her head and looked at him saying, “And
yes, I know you’re already dead! I don’t care…” she raised her
hands and grazed his cheekbones, “I don’t care…” she weakly
repeated.
“Re…Willow… I’m moved by your concern…” Willow glared at him.
Spike sat next to her on the floor and snorted before saying, “Ok
I’m not…and I can promise you I don’t plan to become a big pile of
dust anytime soon…”
Willow weakly smiled at his words, she stretched her hand and
grazed the scar on his eyebrow, “Whom were you fighting when you
got this scar?”
“How did you…?” he started.
Willow stopped him, though, by kissing him. Their first
kiss, a kiss Spike didn’t even know had happened, had been
desperate, there had been passion in it, but there had been too
much sorrow. That kiss, although started out of grief and sorrow,
soon grew with intensity. The passion, the urgency in
it...was different.
She felt Spike’s hands on her hair, and his cool tongue playing
with hers. Her hands went on his shirt while his on her blouse.
She didn’t even notice when he ripped open her blouse, she just
felt a shiver run up her spine, when his fingers idly played with
her nipples through the thin fabric of her bra.
How much had she longed for him. How much had she desired to feel
his mouth on hers, his hands touching her
skin.
Without breaking the kiss she helped him out of his shirt, and she
couldn’t help her sharp intake of breath when they were skin to
skin.
She felt Spike’s hands on her waist and realized he was gently but
firmly pulling her to him, she heard his surprised gasp, when she
shifted sitting on his lap. She could feel his arousal, through
the denim of his jeans. She was vaguely aware that her skirt was
now up to her waist, but she didn’t care.
She couldn’t help moaning when Spike broke the kiss and took her
face in his hands. “Look at me” he almost growled.
Willow opened her eyes and wasn’t surprised to see him in his game
face.
“What do you want, Willow?” he asked.
“You” she breathed, surprised by how breathless she was.
Spike looked at her. He looked surprised by her words. Willow felt
his fingers playing with her hair, “Like that? On the kitchen’s
floor? In the Watcher’s flat?”
“Does it look like I care?” she asked, running her hands on his
chest, marvelling at how soft his skin was, not caring about its
coolness.
Spike looked at her, his blue eyes searched into hers before
saying, “No…and I don’t understand why…”
“Which is fine by me…” she said before kissing him, again. She ran
her hands through his hair, pulling him at her, deepening the
kiss. She eventually lightly parted from him and whispered against
his mouth, “I don’t care for gentle lovemaking…I just want to feel
you…”
She pulled away from him and looked at him in the eyes before
saying in a small voice, “Please…”
Spike’s response was a deep, carnal kiss.
~~*~~*~~*~~
“So,” Buffy said looking at Giles, “You’re not gonna tell me,
where are we going?”
Giles looked at his Slayer. She was smiling at him, her hair loose
on her shoulders, a gentle breeze playing with it.
He had called her, after he had hung up with Willow, deciding to
spend time with her. He knew that in the end the result would be
the same, but he couldn’t bear the silence any more. He couldn’t
bear to know she would die without
even knowing how much he loved her. No matter how hard he tried,
she always died before he could tell her.
“Trust me, Buffy…” he whispered.
“You know I trust you with my life…” she replied.
Giles turned toward her, surprised. She was smiling, yet she had
closed her eyes and tilted her head up, exposing her face to the
sun
< My God…she is so beautiful…so alive…>
“A 'me too' would be nice, you know?” she absently said, without
even opening her eyes.
Giles weakly smiled at her words, “Well…I thought it was a given…”
he said in a low voice. His voice was but a whisper when he added,
“I trust you with everything I am, Buffy…”
Buffy smiled at his words, she opened her eyes and lazily
stretched on her seat, before turning to look at him, she didn’t
talk she just looked at him, and Giles was surprised realizing he
couldn’t bear to look at her.
It hurt, too much.
He just wished it could stop. He just wished he could find a way
to keep her safe.
Buffy seemed to sense his feelings because she softly asked,
“Giles…what’s going on?”
He felt her small hand on his, he turned and looked at her, he
managed to smile at her, before saying, “Nothing…it doesn’t
matter, Buffy.”
He stopped the car, and said, “Here we are…”
Buffy looked around and said, “Where are we?”
“You’ll see…” he said. He took a backpack from the backseat then
got out from the car. He couldn’t help chuckling when she rolled
her eyes at his chivalry when he opened the car’s door for her.
They began walking through a wood, he openly smiled when she
asked since when there had been a wood in Sunnydale
“Oz told me about it” he explained, taking her hand in his.
She looked at him surprised but didn’t pull her hand away; on the
contrary she lightly squeezed it.
They walked for a while, chatting about nothing in particular,
just enjoying each other’s presence. Giles was enjoying the sun
and marvelled at how the sunlight, filtered through the leaves.
Mostly he was just enjoying being so close to Buffy; he was
enjoying just being with the woman he loved.
Buffy was smiling and looked really happy. She suddenly stopped
when they got out from a glade.
Buffy turned surprised toward him and whispered, “Giles…”
He softly smiled at her, but didn’t talk; he just followed her
while she took some steps forward. There was a little artificial
lake, surrounded by the greenest grass they had ever seen. Its
water was crystalline. The sun was reflecting on the water,
creating a golden reverberation which was almost dazzling.
“Oh…” she whispered.
Giles got close to her; he lightly lowered his head and whispered
against her ear, “Do you like it?”
Buffy turned toward him and nodded, she cleared her throat before
saying, “A lake? I didn’t even know there was a lake here…”
“Neither did I…” he admitted, “Until I discovered it, last year…”
“Back in my bitchy days?” she seriously asked.
Giles just smiled at her. He didn’t talk, he just placed his hands
on her shoulders, lightly squeezing them and said, “It’s so
peaceful here… ”
Buffy turned and looked at him; she frowned before asking, “What’s
the what, Giles? Not that being here with you isn’t cool…but…”
He silenced her placing a finger on her lips and said, “I just
thought we both deserved a little time for…how do you call it?
Watcher-Slayer bonding?”
She nodded. Giles didn’t realize at first that his finger was
still on Buffy’s lips. He was mesmerized by her eyes and the look
in it.
Here it was the same woman, who kept dying each night in his arms,
trying to tell him she loved him, and in that moment, for the
first time, he could clearly see that love reflected in her eyes.
He wanted to kiss her. Never had he longed for something as in
that moment. He raised his hand to caress her hair and wasn’t
surprised when she leaned into his touch.
She closed her eyes and smiled. He felt her hands going on his
arms, first, then his chest. She placed her hand above his heart
and whispered, “Your heart, Giles…I can feel your heart beating…”
She rested her head against his chest, and he heard her sighing
against the fabric of his sweater. He held her close and heard her
say, “I could stay like that forever…”
Giles closed his eyes and rested his chin atop her head. A few
tears rolled down his cheeks, but he didn’t even realize that, he
held her tighter and couldn’t help whispering against her hair, “I
love you Buffy…”
Buffy didn’t raise her head, though, she just nuzzled against the
soft fabric of his sweater and murmured, “I love you too, Giles…
so very much….”
Although he didn’t see her face, and couldn’t look into her eyes
when she told him, he knew they were true, he could feel it, in
his soul.
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